Do you remember being in grade school and first being introduced to Roman numerals? The ones that stuck with me as an adult are “C” for one hundred and “M” for one thousand. Talking about IOUs, movie characters would promise to pay back the “C note”. Going to the movies meant constant exposure to copyright dates, always in Roman numerals, starting with M. I make it a practice to do my best to translate those capital letters into numbers. What does this mean with respect to age? Do you obsess over the number of years in your age? If you were to express your age in a foreign language it might feel gentler. We become conditioned to what numbers are considered OLD. From the time we are young children we become accustomed to counting the years on our birthday. It starts out exciting, even adding on the “and a half” at the six month mark. Somewhere along the line we start dreading that next number. Let’s start thinking of the years as a warehouse of our life experience, as a yardstick for our growth, and as measurement of lessons learned. High numbers in weight and age are thought to be negative, while IQ and bank balances are very desirable. Perhaps restructuring our perceptions is the first step in developing an appreciation for our given age, whatever it is.
Second Grade Words
Yesterday I was a substitute teacher for a second grade class. I like to play at being a teacher because that was my original career choice. My plan was to teach at the kindergarten level. Of course, I was so young and inexperienced that I thought I would actually get to make that choice when I got a job. As it went, I got side tracked when my sister got married. I wanted to buy her a nice gift with my own money and got a job as a dental assistant. I really liked the professional atmosphere and changed schools so that I could become a dental hygienist instead. The term “Life Coach” hadn’t even been invented yet. When I applied for my sub certificate, it took about seven months to get all the approvals and documents. I went through the motions for the express purpose of discovering what it would have been like to be an early childhood educator instead of a dental health educator. I found out that there are similarities. Both populations have to be engaged, motivated, coddled, and respected. Seeing that sign in the classroom reminded me of how many things we learn as children and forget as adults. Let us all embrace and embody those second grade words. Let our actions reveal that we have truly absorbed their meaning.
Are You Frozen in Place?
Remember when you learned about inertia? A body at rest tends to remain at rest. Some people call it being in a rut when you are stuck doing the same old thing that isn’t really working anymore. It could be a job that you have been thinking about leaving or a hairstyle that you are thinking about changing. Does the ride home happen with you on automatic pilot? Maybe you have been cooking the same exact meals for your family for the last few months (or years) or walking the same route for exercise. A close look at this picture reveals a small branch from an evergreen that fell into the bush and was frozen in place. Think about where in life you have become stagnated due to habit, routine or lack of desire. Consider where you would be if you made a change. The change could be as simple as altering the sequence that you do things or what you wear when you do them. Sometimes, just taking a different road home or changing the day of the week that errands get done, shakes up your schedule enough to make it feel new. Replace inertia with momentum!
Skating on Thin Ice is Dangerous
Winter hasn’t ended yet. This year has brought multiple snowfalls, some heavy, some wet, some icy and some pleasantly light and fluffy. Wind velocity increased the risk of falling trees and property damage. Still….being safe at home with the luxury of time to shovel leisurely and enjoy the sunshine reflecting off the new snow is a treat. I love the sparkle of the frozen surface and the sense of accomplishment when the driveway is clear. One of my favorite winter activities is crashing my foot down on fragile ice patches. The sound and sense of raw power make me giggle like a little kid. I sometimes feel guilty when I crush the ice at someone else’s house. Maybe they like to do it too, and I have used theirs up. When I take walks with my friends in the winter they now know what I’m doing if I fall behind. I miss pieces of conversation because I get distracted by a particularly inviting edge. In life though, be careful! Ice can be dangerous. Venture out when you are certain that it is safe and make sure someone knows where you are going. The BUDDY SYSTEM works for lots of life situations. We shouldn’t outgrow it.
You are Not Made of Stone
This piece was photographed in a Veteran’s park in New Jersey. I was struck by its posture right away. Due to the theme of the space, sadness and loss were the emotions that first came to mind. Later, I could feel exhaustion, powerlessness and defeat. Later still, I identified shame and embarrassment. What do you see? Are there more feelings and states of mind represented? How about being IT for Hide and Seek and covering your eyes? What about a big spinal stretch or quick nap out in the sunshine? Certainly it is open to interpretation. What we see might also be impacted by the mood we are in or the energy available after a busy day. We are capable of the posture and have the imagination to assign a meaning to the form. The lesson is to stay flexible and open minded; to keep moving and growing and learning; to listen with tolerance and understanding and goodness. If we develop hardening of the arteries or the attitudes, our quality of life suffers.
Jigsaw Puzzles as a Metaphor for Life
Jigsaw puzzles are a great way to exercise your brain and relax at the same time. Some are hard and some are easy. Some pieces are big and some are small. Sometimes the cardboard and color are high quality and sometimes they are poor. Sometimes the cover picture is detailed enough to help you see the finished puzzle detail. Sometimes your table isn’t quite the right size for the dimensions of the puzzle. Sometimes your timing is wrong and you have to put it all away because company is coming. Sometimes the colors match up and the shape doesn’t. Sometimes they both appear to be right and the piece still doesn’t fit. That’s when bad language may escape your lips. Doing jigsaw puzzles requires patience, and a good eye for making a match. It requires the willingness to keep turning the same piece around in multiple positions until you find the correct spot. Frustration and disbelief become evident when the piece you have been searching for happens to be in front of you. One of the biggest lessons is the importance of seeing the big picture first. Without an image of what the finished puzzle is supposed to look like, assembling the pieces is quite difficult.. Think about the implications for your life…What is YOUR big picture? Where do you want to be and what do you want to be doing? Get clear on that and it becomes easier to fit the pieces together.
Wishing You Had a Magic Wand?
Many children grow up hearing fairy tales and stories about magic spells and magic wands. When I saw this one, many of those stories came back to me. I then remembered a story I told my children when we were stuck in traffic. It was a hot summer day and we were returning from a fun day out, maybe from the Bronx Zoo. Everyone was tired and cranky, hungry and thirsty. My patience was wearing thin and we were all anxious to be home. I said, “I wish the windshield wiper fluid was really cold lemonade”. They laughed, and so did I. They started to come up with more “wishes” that the car could provide. Flying over the traffic was one. Soft serve ice cream in the glove compartment was another. They were old enough to know that our conversation was whimsical and young enough to make believe with abandon. I learned that day that pretending to believe in magic is therapeutic, that it relieves tension and distracts from annoyance. Being wise enough not to depend on magic and playful enough to say “What if…” can provide a useful strategy for decreasing stress and increasing resilience. ABRACADABRA!
What Direction are You Looking?
Most of us walk facing forward. It is what is customary and it is safe. If we are with a friend, we may turn our heads to engage in conversation. We may look down to check for roots or rocks when we are in the park or to check the step on an escalator. We will carefully check from side to side if we are carrying something through a doorway. We will be cautious if we see WET PAINT signs. How often do we consider looking up? Perhaps if someone draws our attention to beautiful cloud formations or to see how tall a tree has grown we will. The image that you see here was at the Chihuly Collection in St. Petersburg, Florida. There were stunning examples of art glass all around. The shapes, the colors, the lighting, the textures, and the proportions were fabulous. There was one hallway that drew your attention from a distance. Until you were actually in it you couldn’t really appreciate the beauty over your head. The pieces were resting on a transparent surface so they appeared to be floating. The composition of the collection was breathtaking. The overhead perspective gave it extra spark, making it a unique experience. How many experiences do we sacrifice because we are habituated to looking in just one direction? Consider turning, stretching, seeking and exploring. The rewards will surely be worth it.
Sorry for the Holes I Have Put in your Fence
I found this small fence replica in a shop today and knew exactly what I would write about it. Many years ago I read a story. The paraphrased version of it follows…. A little girl was naughty. Every time that she did something wrong, her mother had her hammer a small nail into the fence in the yard. The girl would apologize and go outside with the tools. This went on for quite some time and there were a lot of nails in the fence. As the girl got older her behavior improved. Each time that she did something kind, the mother asked her to remove one of the nails from the fence. Finally, all the nails were gone. The daughter was very pleased and showed her mom. The mom nodded and asked the girl to run her hand over the surface of the wood. The girl did so and her smile disappeared. She could feel the holes that the nails had made. The wise woman had demonstrated that saying “ I’m sorry “ doesn’t remove the pain or undo the damage that a hurtful remark or action can cause. Consider using a toy fence or a picture as a prop when a difficult apology is necessary. Saying “ I’m sorry for the holes I have put in your fence “, after telling the story can be an effective approach to healing a wound.
What Will Your Legacy Be?
This Christmas season was the first time I visited Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. This wall was one of the first things that we saw. The sign said that it is what remains from a 1747 (or 49 ?) building. It has been stabilized, yet you can clearly see the construction of the original. Doing the mental math and coming up with 250 years plus, was pretty impressive. The US history, the number of people that have walked past it, the conscious effort to restore and maintain it, all made me aware of the impact of the past on our lives. By extension, our lives impact the future. That future might be as short term as tomorrow or as long term as two generations away. Please consider the impact of your actions on others. Maybe it is as obvious as driving carelessly while checking your phone and hitting the bumper ahead of you. It might be as subtle as forgetting to update your fire extinguishers, thinking that it doesn’t matter. Maybe it is saying something inappropriate out loud that is overheard by a young child. Pay particular attention to those things that will impact what people will remember about you when you are gone.
Enough is Enough
When my kids were little I told them that I was a “Rice Krispie Treat Mommy” and NOT a “Pet Mommy”. When they would ask for a puppy I would say that if I had to worry about when another living thing needed to eat or poop, I would just have another baby. Since there were already four of them, that shut down the conversation pretty quickly. Over the years my specialty has become RKTs. They are my default contribution to bake sales, goodie bags, a holder for birthday candles and dessert snacks. I recently had to make a LOT of them for a fund raiser. Seeing them all on the kitchen counter inspired me to capture the image. This represents 32 bags of marshmallows. No matter how much someone loves the taste of these, eating this amount would be a serious mistake. In life, though, how often do take on too much, eat too much, talk too much, shop too much, spend too much, delay too much? There are many examples of not moderating our behavior. We know better, yet continue along a destructive path. Having someone hold you accountable for the change you commit to making is an effective strategy.
Keeping Your Head Above Water
We have a friend who jokes about “ who would you save ? ” in a water emergency. This life preserver made the perfect Christmas gift gag. We all know, though, that there is nothing funny about saving a life….even figuratively. The visual image of someone straining to keep their nose and mouth out of the water is scary and threatening. The construction of this vest is designed to specifically hold the head up. Have you ever been SO busy that it felt impossible to finish in the allotted time? Somehow you do it and look back in wonder. Think about what your strategy was to complete the job. “ Holding your head above water “ in the short term can be accomplished by sleeping very little, skipping meals, delaying household chores, and avoiding the telephone. In the longer term, it makes sense to redesign your behavior. Agreeing to fewer commitments, planning meals in advance, leaving voicemails that indicate when contact is likely, and knowing in advance that a particular time is always busy so that sleep patterns can be adapted, are all ideas for regulating the stress that feels like drowning. By the way…those household chores always wait for you.
Using Time
When I saw this old timer I could almost hear the shrill ringing when the time was up. So many thoughts came up…Time Out for a naughty child, baking a cake, games where there is a time limit, and the times I used to tell my children that they only had to spend seventeen minutes cleaning up their rooms. Time is a powerful motivator. Getting to the airport in time to go through security, and get to the gate before boarding stops, is a dramatic example. What about the more subtle things? Sometimes the dinner cooks too long or you miss returning an important phone call before the person leaves for the day. Time continues to pass, no matter what we are doing. Tomorrow will come with another opportunity. Make yourself a promise that you will create a plan for your future; Make that plan include steps that will bring you closer to where you want to be. Education, weight control, debt reduction, family reconnection, and travel are just some of the categories that are impacted by the passage of time. Give some thought to activities that are “goal achieving, not just tension relieving”. I learned that from Denis Waitley.
How are we the SAME and how are we DIFFERENT?
Remember when you were little and the magazines had features where you had to find the differences in the two pictures? Sometimes it was obvious and sometimes it was subtle. I found myself thinking about that as I looked at this photo of frost on the windshield. I took the picture after a morning walk, when I was disappointed that I could not capture the glistening frost on a wooden barricade. My first thought was that there are no identical snowflakes. We all learn that as youngsters. It would take some real work to thoroughly describe the differences among each of these distinct shapes. That led to thoughts about the human race; We share physical attributes, body systems, brain activity, growth patterns, and motor development. We share similarities in emotions, attachment, survival requirements, and many other physiological functions. How we assess others can make a difference in our rapport building skills. Do we look for the similarities or the differences. I find myself connecting with people who have the letter Z in their surname, because my maiden name had one. I want to be friends with anyone who likes Norman Rockwell art. Potato chips and ice cream are an instant link. Finding the differences is a great way to learn something new. In a recent conversation with someone I have “known” for over 30 years, I learned a lot about how museums operate. Another time I learned about free tax prep service at the library. How can you use same/ different to expand your world?
Are You Having Fun?
This tent is meant for a child. I climbed into it anyway. The sight of it reminded me of the concept of “running away to the circus”. That phrase used to convey the idea of leaving old relationships and obligations behind in favor of a life of frivolity and travel. While it was never a good idea, the words acknowledged that someone needed a break. What do you do when you need a break? Are you able to identify when you do? Maybe you get cranky or forgetful. Maybe a family member gives you a look that translates into “what’s up with you?”. Perhaps it’s a bunch of little things that you assume mean all those OTHER people are having a bad day. Next time it happens just stop, even for a moment. Take a deep breath (or two, or three) and reassess. Look at what it is you are tasked with and how much you have accomplished. If you were chopping wood it would be prudent to stop to sharpen the edge on the blade of your axe. Maybe you need to gather more supplies or info. Maybe you just need a snack or bathroom break. Think about doing another job on your list to break the monotony. Stand on the other side of the room to get a different perspective. Now, get back to work. And….always nurture the child within.
Feeling Like You Don't Belong?
The old cliche was “a square peg in a round hole” and this image portrays a round peg and a rectangle. In either case, the fit is off. Have you ever felt that way? As if you didn’t belong? Sometimes it is a clique at work or wearing clothes that are a bit too dressy or casual. Maybe you are the only one in the group who hasn’t seen the movie or read the book. Maybe your taste is music doesn’t match up or your knowledge of wine is lacking. Recall the way it felt. Probably no one said anything derogatory. (Maybe they were secretly admiring your independent spirit.) We often imagine what people are thinking about us, with no particular proof. We become self conscious, maybe even excuse ourselves or leave early. Having confidence in ourselves can be a learned skill. There are many occasions when we look back on behavior with embarrassment or puzzlement. Those negative memories tend to stick with us. The moments of pride are more easily brushed aside with humility. We seem to think that it is boastful to congratulate ourselves for a job well done. Savoring the positive is important for building a foundation of confidence and energetic action. Make sure there are people in your life that will remind you of your achievements and accomplishments.
"Light a Candle for Me"
Sometimes circumstances are such that, though friends want to help, there is nothing they can do. Maybe there is illness. Maybe there is an administrative problem that requires time to resolve. Maybe the mail will be bringing a letter of rejection or acceptance. Maybe the full extent of damages will not be established until everything dries out. Maybe a check has to clear. Maybe the plane has to land on time to make the connecting flight. Our actions will not impact the results. I remember when the mother of a dear friend was very ill. In my kitchen were candles for birthdays and black outs. I lit one, took a picture, and sent it with a text message. It was all I could think of to do from a distance. In those moments my thoughts and prayers were with the family and it made me feel closer. Though I don’t know why, the act of lighting candles always makes me more conscious of the needs of others. Literally or figuratively, light a candle and settle your busy mind long enough to concentrate on someone else. When we need the help someone will be there for us.
Give Yourself Triple Word Score for Saying Something Nice
We played Scrabble for the first time in years. Crosswords are usually the default word exercise. It was fun, though disheartening to find that it was hard to make good words. I think that my “Z” was on a triple letter score. It was only three letters and garnered over thirty points. It made me think of how our communication would change of we were being scored for the language we use. Our comments would be more constructive. Our compliments would be more personal. Our empty noise, void filling talk would deduct points. Our senses would be more acute, so that we could use our words to comfort and encourage others. We would remember past kindnesses and show with our words and actions that “what have you done for me lately?” doesn’t apply. We would be mindful of the impact of teasing. Sometimes it’s not funny and can be embarrassing and hurtful. Consider a little social research. Over the next week, see if you can raise your level of communication so that you do earn points for kind words.
Would You Eat This?
I went to a prop sale sponsored by the Shakespeare Theater and found this piece of pie. When I was a kid (AND when my kids were kids) I loved fake food. I still do. Pretending to cut cheese or pizza, that is held together by velcro, with a wooden or plastic knife makes me smile. I think this pie is actually paper mache'. From a distance it looks pretty good, especially the color of the filling. The crust…well not so much. I thought about how this could be a metaphor for life. The old cliches still work. “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” “You can’t tell much by appearances.” We all know these things and we still get caught up in making a judgment based on initial impressions. Often, we judge ourselves and our ability to perform a function or to accomplish a task. Sometimes we question our intellect or our commitment. Sometimes we doubt our energy or the appeal we have to others. Keep the image of this slice in mind. There is far more inside us than we acknowledge. We are capable, we are valuable, and we do good. People learn that about us and trust us, even if we are having a bad hair day.
Who is Keeping Score?
Visiting with friends we started playing “Beyond Balderdash”. The game always makes me laugh and it was new to our friends. One of the creative answers was so funny that it brought tears to the eyes of the reader. I lost the game pretty much after I lost interest in the score. The laughter and together time was the enjoyment for me. It made me think about how often we become attached to winning some unidentified competition. Who has the most internet friends, who gets the most birthday cards, who gets the best gas mileage, who had the biggest wedding reception, who have the longest fingernails………….and on……….… and on………………………….. Who really cares? What is the point of the score keeping, unless a promotion on a civil service test is at stake? Consider what activities or obligations cause you to stress about how many, how fast, how long, how much you are “producing”. Often, competition is fun and healthy. Keeping score in those circumstances is appropriate. Think about eliminating it when it is counterproductive.